Beyond the Dream: The Presidency of Goodluck Jonathan

For starters, the most recurring word is ‘accidental.’ Accidental deputy governor, accidental Vice President and accidental President. The fruity word ‘fortuitous’ comes to mind. Better than accidental, at least in the way it sounds. Of course, I quickly banish the word accidental and replace it with the daintier ‘destiny.’ And as an artist, even design comes to mind. So I force the bad word out of my thoughts and use designed destiny, with God as the Designer!

Now I go deeper into my thoughts. I like the man, Goodluck Jonathan! My first encounter with the name and the face was when DSP (I cannot spell the surname and I am not sure Mr Oribhabor will stand by me if I write ‘Alamesiya!’) was removed as governor and Dr Jonathan became one. ‘Aiya,’ I said, ‘God has made him a governor.’ A smiling likeable man. Before you could say Odili, the likeable man became Vice President. Always smiling, contented in the supporting role, again! Satisfied with his chi (I will need Julius Bokoru to translate this word into Ijaw). When Yar’adua was brought back in a casket, some people wanted to short-change GEJ but the Designer of Destinies was not through with him. He became Mr President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (always wondered about the unarmed forces). Everybody was happy for him, well most sane Nigerians were.

And yet my thoughts went deeper. It seems I was in a trance and saw myself inside the President’s head. It seemed to me he thanked God for that unexpected honour. He had come further than he ever imagined. He would serve out those two years and retire as a great man in Nigeria. The first of many things, especially the first president from a minority zone.

Then some people came and reminded him that it was the work of the Grand Designer to make him president for 10 years! But he just wanted to collect the sizeable presidential pension and go and sit at National Council Meetings. What else was he looking for? They reminded him that he used to be shoe-less (mischief makers were later to corrupt this beautiful label to ‘clueless’)! So with only shoelessness as a credential, they propped him up to beat someone who had army boots!

As I go deeper into his mind, I see he really wants to leave this hot seat on this irritating malicious stage in this world of ‘mere thieves’ politicians in 2015 but the parasitic legion around him will not hear of it. Ethnic and religious bigots are furiously drumming away! The clash of values in his head has been giving me headache but what can I do? The Mujahid has said he must contest or forever remain in Abuja! Me, I like the man, this smiling amiable loveable man! I like how he wants to be his own man but Elder Clark would not hear of it! It’s anathema to the Mujahid. The barking Okupe would not want his fountain to run dry, again. The biting Abati would not let him be the nice loveable man we know. And if Sabo Bakinzuwo was alive, he’d say that Buhari as GEJ’s running mate, would not leave him (GEJ) alone.

The man is tired of this wahala but they would not let him be. And my head keeps throbbing. I wish I could unlike the man so that I would not be in his thoughts anymore. This reluctant president propped up by legions of parasites!


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